Reflections

Today, I am 38 weeks + 4 days pregnant. If everything were to happen exactly as it did with Jack, baby girl Crosby will be here tomorrow, at 38+5. I remember standing in our bedroom, alone on a Friday afternoon while Justin was at work and I was supposed to be on bedrest, as I heard a loud "POP!" and felt the gush of my water breaking. Both of us were scared, excited, and above all more than thrilled to meet our baby boy who decided to make a grand and early entrance into the world.

This time, with this baby, things have been much different along the way. I have been in more pain, yes, but it also feels like I have somehow forgotten that there's an actual living, breathing, healthy baby inside of me. Instead, I groan and complain about the aches and pains while I simultaneously take care of Jack, because Jack is real. He's in front of me, crying or laughing, hugging or throwing, doing all those crazy cute ridiculous things that toddlers do. This baby is still an abstract object, something that we all talk about but can't quite materialize in our minds yet.

In a few short days, that will change. Whether it's tomorrow, or the next day, or on Tuesday, she will become REAL. With beautiful eyes, soft and fuzzy skin, that warm new baby smell and a grip on our fingers that will forever break our hearts. It's a GIRL! I was laying in the bath today as a contraction gripped my tummy and I thought, "someday, you will experience this too. Someday, you will be awaiting your own little girl or little boy and be able to feel them move and kick inside of you." And it's horribly sappy and emotional and crazy, but it's true. I am so very excited to finally meet our little girl and put a name to a face. (Literally!)

Early days with Jack were so very hard. I think the only one who knows or remembers this is Justin. I was an emotional wreck. Everything (EVERY.THING.) made me cry. I was tired and scared and worried that every move I made would somehow ruin him for life. It took days, months, or maybe even years to get the confidence in myself as a Mom that I feel I have now. I hope that with a second baby, this will be different. There will be new and different challenges, yes. But I feel that I am able to look past the exhaustion, the emotions, and the fear in order to make more clear-headed decisions. I am not scared this time about having a c-section, or delivering a breech baby (don't Google that...the world out there will tell you that there are all kinds of dangers associated with breech babies. It's not true!) I am not scared about the recovery - the bleeding, the pain, the fatigue. I am just not scared this time. And that, I think, will make for a much more peaceful delivery and welcoming of our new bundle of joy.

Here are a few early pictures of Jack...look at all the wonderful, beautiful, and truly miraculous things we will get to experience in the next week!

Newborn baby boy! 6lb, 8oz... beautiful in every way.

First kiss from Mommy.

Such a proud Daddy! I still love every single thing
about this picture.

Holding my little bundle for the very first time.

He's changed in so many ways, but to me he still looks the same.
We were so very blessed that day.

Jack was an amazing addition to our family. Justin and I can't imagine life without him. He is funny, original, smart, and loving in a way that amazes me daily. I can't wait to see all the ways that this little girl is like him.

Most likely, our next post will be about baby girl's arrival. Justin and I may or may not have decided on her name. Stay tuned! The next week in the Crosby house will be a whirlwind one!!